Why good girls say ‘YES’ to bad boys – Relationship expert, Bosun Bankole

I met this free-spirited young man whom I would like to call Free.  Free smokes all kinds of things beyond cigarettes, consumes alcohol and being referred to as a bad boy gives Free an absolute pleasure.  I was having a conversation with Free about women someday, and he shared an experience with me. Free told me about a girl in his college whom he likes, but they had never had a conversation.

To muster the confidence to speak with the girl, Free got himself under the influence of alcohol. Free walked down to the girl in his drunken state to propose a relationship and the girl irritably looked at Free asking if he has no sense of dignity or shame. She outlined their differences; ‘you drink, smoke and party, but I am a religious girl who does none of these.’ She further asked, ‘How could you ever imagine I would want to have anything to do with you?’ Ironically, despite the girl’s open demonstration of disgust and the display of knowledge about their differences she eventually accepted Free’s proposal. Free proudly avowed to me, ‘the bad boys will always get the good girls.’

My conversation with Free raised some questions in my mind. Why do good men marry women with low moral standards and vice versa? Why do tall women marry short men? Why do small-size men marry plus-size women? Why do very beautiful women marry ugly men? Why do people put an effort into defining what features they expect their spouse to possess and then go on to marry the exact opposite of what they have defined? The simple answer to these questions lies in this saying ‘he who pays the piper dictates the tune.’

We all have emotional needs and in some cases emotional emptiness that needs to be filled. Also, we are always inclined to see as appealing anyone or anything that provides some satisfaction to our emotional needs. Hence, we are all subjected to the emotional temptation to dance whenever an appealing emotional tune is being played even when the person playing the tune does not fit the picture of an ideal spouse.

Slower forming emotions are the easiest to ignore and they are also the ones that lead us in the directions we never believed we could go. Don’t play around what you do not want. You should know your relationship with someone you do not approve is more of a bigger deal than you are willing to admit when you say it is nothing, but you are incapable of mustering the strength to let go.

Whoever is interested in you will do all that is possible to get close to you. The closer someone interested in you gets the more the person knows about you. The more someone interested in you know about you, the more empowered he/she is to supply your emotional needs. The better someone interested in you gets at supplying your emotional needs, the more helpless you become at falling in love. Anything can happen when you allow your emotions to degenerate to the helplessly in love stage; even an apple will look like a banana.

Here are some lessons we can learn from bad boys; they do not pretend to be a good person. They are open about their moral decadence but give the impression that the woman holds a special place in their heart and the power to make them change. Chai!!! This alone will make any woman feel powerful and special.

My appeal to the good men is this. Do not be passive when in pursuit of a woman. Pursue the babe with all that you’ve got. While working your way to becoming great convince the woman that you are working hard to achieve your goals so you can be able to afford the lifestyle she desires.

It is not enough to know who you wish to marry. You have to make up your mind to be ruthlessly vigilant about who you allow to lurk around you. Victory in emotional matters does not lie in being smart, but being cautious.