By Bosun Bankole
When we fall in love the heart is fully captivated, we let down our guards, vulnerability becomes appealing and we lose all our fear of pain. The emotional security is stronger in a Christian relationship because we assume that all Christians are saints who cannot possibly hurt a fly. But, we forget that a Christian relationship is still a relationship between two humans and there is bound to be complications. Relationship breakups are so painful because no one prepares for it and many do not see it coming. However, when it happens we must remember that life does not end with a break-up.
Keep in mind that just as it takes two to love, it also takes two to make a mess of a relationship. So, it is not all your fault that the break-up happened and there is no point blaming yourself for a relationship that has already ended. It is equally not helpful to desperately change who you are with the hope of getting your ex back or fixing the relationship. No relationship is worth losing yourself for.
Breaking up and forgetting about the person used to be so easy in the past. But, with the advent of social media it is now almost impossible for an ex to remain in the past. Nonetheless, keeping a vigil on social media to know what is happening in your ex’s life or reading every post or message to ascertain if he/she misses you are actions that will further reinforce your pain. Hence, it is smart to take a social media break while hurting and give yourself an opportunity to get over the pain without distractions
Ignoring emotional pains do not make them go away; it only postpones the effect of the pain for the future. Hence, the first step to getting healed is admitting you are hurting. Cry if you feel like it. Get professional help if you need to. The most important thing is not to concede defeat to your pain or leave the management of your life to your pain.
You cannot possibly still be the best of buddies with your ex after a break up except you were never truly in love in the first place. Of course, I am not talking about becoming enemies, but I mean you cannot maintain the same level of friendship as you had while you were in a relationship. That will make it practically impossible to move on. You need to get to the point where your ex is no longer familiar with all the happenings of your life (that’s a boyfriend privilege). But, what if you still have to see this person every day? Well, since you are not enemies you can share greetings, be polite and respectful around each other. But, you have to keep your boundaries clearly defined.
Having ill feelings or joining a malicious discussion about your Ex further ties you back to someone you are trying to be free from. If you do not forgive your Ex, he/she will remain a constant part of your thought and that is like making your loss permanent.
Heartbreak is tougher for Christians because we believe that God directs all our steps including our love life, and God could prevent heartbreaks from happening. In effect, the relationship of most Christians with God suffers a huge blow during heartbreaks. But, before we blame it all on God, we must admit that everything looks perfect when we fall in love, and very few Christians can shun the pleasantness of love at the instance of God’s warning signs. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that God cares about any issue that concerns your life. He is closer to you at this time more than ever (Ps 34:18). Instead of getting angry or running away from the one who can fill your heart with joy while you go through pain, it is smart to channel all your loneliness to God at this time. Get continually drunk in his presence. Read the bible and listen to messages. Fill your heart with so much truth until it loses all its strength for discouragement.
Do not rush into another relationship, give yourself time to heal. Stay busy and take advantage of your other healthy relationship with friends and family members. With God on your side, each day will be better than the last.
With heartbreaks comes the temptation to give up on love. But, the reward that comes from finding genuine love makes risking getting hurt again all worth it. I personally do not believe God has created only one special person for you to marry. So if you miss out of one relationship it is not the end. Other nice people will come into your life if you allow yourself to heal and open up your heart for other people to connect with you.
