Understanding the Male Sex

Understanding the Male: Hetero…Homo…Metro

If you are having a hard time understanding where your man falls, it’s easy really.

The Homosexual is easy to detect. He stares a little too long at other guys. If you’ve got a guy who asks often about your neighbour, the-one-with-the-nice-butt; not the girl-neighbour silly, the male! Well, I’m sorry to bust your little bubble, he is probably gay. If you are waiting for effeminate signs you might wait forever. Some gays are totally masculine – in character and posture. It’s a sexual preference, not a physical defect. So there you have it, shall we move on?

The Heterosexual. He’s the guy who pays little attention to his clothes, hair and etiquette. He needs to be groomed, most of the time. He expects you to change his toothbrush after three months because he is never going to remember, even if the bristles stick out like broken wires. He expects you to lay the bed; remind him not to wear that shirt (because he had it on three-days in a row); and replace his roll-on. But he is usually a good guy and makes us really relevant in the relationship sport. Imagine if he knew all of what to do, then the female specie could truly start to migrate to Venus.

Maybe indeed that is about to happen, see The Metrosexual has come to stay. He stares at his reflection a little too long in the mirror. Wears pink. Takes a cute pose on the red carpet. Shaves like it’s an art. Wears subtle cologne. Glosses his lips with lip-gloss. Shaves his legs, armpit. Visits the stylist, manicurist. Watches Fashion TV with a lot of attention. Argues about the pants Charlize Therone has on, ‘It’s not a good fit,’ he’d say. But he is not gay. He’s only effeminate, and knows all the silly colours form fuschia, to beige, to maroon!

Indeed, the Nigerian male is experiencing a corporeal evolution. Maybe not all of them, as some still manage to stink like left-over meals, with breath that can wake up the dead, in creased clothes and foreheads.

However, an impressive number is being tickled by trend and embracing more ‘feminine’ gestures.

Now, the challenge is keeping up with the Metrosexual. He’s like your girlfriend – fussy, meticulous, and in love with flowery shirts. He has a couple of them without buttons; soft, fluid tops that tickle his nipples when the evening breeze dances by.

With the Metrosexual, you’d need, not one but, two large mirrors in the house since he’ll use up just as much hours as you while getting ready for an outing. He reads the ingredients on the facial wash in the bathroom. Moisturizes. Has a room full of shoes, sunshades of all designers. Watches Desperate Housewives, and has read the Devil Wears Prada, twice!

As you may have noted, the Metrosexual has a strong concern for his appearance. He earns moderately well, rides a nice car, lives in a fabulous home that smells like a duvet soaked in perfume. Do not fail to note how stylishly he crosses his legs, like a clone of Marilyn Monroe!

There are advantages of dating the Metrosexual; you’ll find out that shopping is a lot easier for you, as you both will most likely use similar products – shop for Neutrogena products, or Ulay – face wash, face gel, astringent, body wash, etcetera. And do not forget hand-creams by Avon.

He loves the kind of programmes you’ll die for. So even while he’s crazy about football, he still has as much time to lounge on the sofa with a glass of wine ready to watch Ugly Betty with you.

He eats moderately because he needs to watch his weight, and the tummy. He is very aware of the faux pas pot-belly is to a nice turquoise shirt.

He is usually very hygienic, so you are sure not going to be picking up socks and boxers on the floor everyday. And no smelly shoes, you can bet your life on that! He’ll help with the chores and also with the cooking, sometimes.

Sex, I suppose, will be just as interesting with the Metrosexual. But you never know, until you date one.

Yet, many of us are willing to look over these striking qualities and stick to good ol’ Heterosexual male.

You see, the attraction of the traditional African male is in the dissimilarities he shares with the woman. We like our male rugged, a bit untidy, masculine in form and in psyche.

We love that he wears brown shirts because it makes our pink dresses a lot sunnier (tehehehe!). We like that he needs us to remind him to wear a belt on; we like that he gets confused over colours and (still) thinks  ‘fuschia’ is the name of our colleague in the office. We like that he keeps the room a little untidy, and that we have to remind him to wear a pyjamas (and not his boxers) to bed. We like that we can still surprise him with a nice gift of cologne and he isn’t going to say, ‘oh, Burberry? Calvin Klein is so much better!’

Truly, we like that he gets a little confused about the female specie. But with the Metrosexual there are no surprises in Venus.

So what’s your pick?