By Morenike Nie Smith
At a round table with my single friends chatting as usual, we ended up talking about how convenient it was to have a fallback guy otherwise christened ‘The FWB’. First of all, who is he Or she, as the case may be?
Definition – An FWB is that ‘buddy’ who understands the rules of the game. No commitments, no sleepovers, no questions. They are just doing the business. An ‘FWB’ never ever disappoints you until……emotions set in. Do they? They are known as FWB…I am not promoting the notion, I am just airing my views if you think otherwise …Forgive me…. This is not for the prudish…. Read on.
Why would you be with one and be refused the natural gift. Get it somewhere else if you can? Remember, I said it’s an opinion not a commandment. Please, give me this one chance. Its fun being single yeah, yeah, yeah… some people would say but why wouldn’t it be? That’s how come the fallback guy rears his head.
Imelda is not your typical ‘hot chick’ but she does have the X factor. She had been seeing her new man for a while before the ‘I’m working late’ regime took over. She wanted her dose because she had gone all ‘cold turkey’ but he was not available. My girlfriend decided she had to put a stop to this sudden unavailability. She called up an old ‘buddy’ on her way back from work, no words said…. Just clothes off and bang and they were done. He turned around and asked her ‘just like old times’? All she did was nod and he was out of the door. She felt a need for an ‘O’ and she got one. Did she feel guilty? Nope! She was just satisfied.
My friend Frank is not left out in this business. He too shares this opinion and has numerous encounters with his ‘buddy’. He only calls her when he is in need and that is not as often as she would like. She obviously was not aware of the terms in place according to the book of Frank so she hoped it would blossom into a full-blown relationship. A wasted dream! Hopes dashed. My question to Frank is – why tell her you love her? If you do, why not save her the trauma? The book of instructions according to Frank, don’t keep one. He keeps his main squeeze and has two or three others who I am sure he tells the same things over and over… unfair if you ask me, but they asked for it.
Don’t ask me what I think I’m saying; all I ask is that rules be laid down, and properly too. If you want to have this kind of ‘buddy’, just state as it is. It makes life a whole lot easier… at least if you don’t want any emotional baggage there is only one way out. PLEASE REFER TO THE HEADING, COURSE 444.
I know I don’t sound like the straight beans and potatoes woman but what more can I say? We have to face facts not run from them. Everyone I have chatted with about this has accepted that at some point in their lives this ‘buddy’ existed so who am I not to share this with you my favorites? Frank says the best part of an FWB is in the flirting and cajoling….he goes as far as telling her he loves her! Now, that is callous. But what if she does too? The truth still remains that all they do is get down so forget love and deal with the issue on hand – My opinion. I haven’t gotten to that point yet, I am S.S.S. They also agree on one thing though it sometimes gets out of hand. What do you do when you are faced with the facts? He or she only wants you for sex.
My questions are – Is there a certain criteria for a ‘Friend with Benefits’ relationship? Do you have to look a certain way? Do you state your mission on a first date? What is the M.O.? I am just asking so I know what advice to proffer to those on the lookout for this type of ‘buddy’. Both home and abroad, you can get a fix, so get cracking if you want to join the band wagon but I dare say that after a while, emotions set in.What happens when this situation presents itself? Do you turn a blind eye or do you deal with this corn that just popped? Trust me, when emotions set in, it can be the most uncomfortable relationship that ever existed.
Don’t get discouraged but bear in mind that if your ‘FWB’ was once your friend, there goes your friendship out of the window except of course you are supersonic. Which will it be? Which do you hunger for more? Canal desires or straight up friendship?That is your choice to make and the brunt you bear.
My friend Imelda had to lie she was getting married! She is not the marrying type but hey anything to escape the loop she was in. Frank in his own little way had to turn to God for help. The famous lines ‘I’m born again’. Oh please! Spare me, that line is stale, get a new one and validate it. Whatever happened to saying I never wanted this to go beyond ‘you know what’ and get on with it or out of it? There is absolutely no need to go through the rigors of cooking when you can get take out. See, easy like Sunday morning.
When the urge comes, look for your partner or your little black book. If not, do what suits you best. I am in no position to say what but make sure you feel good about it. When I am on the prowl at least I know where to look…The buddy pages!
