By Chris Ihidero
CHRIS: Thank you very much for granting this interview. Truly kind of you sir.
PASTOR CHRIS: It’s nothing my brother. All thanks and adorations must go to the almighty God, through Christ our Lord.
CHRIS: Amen sir. Let me start by thanking you on behalf of millions of people that you set free with that declaration of Freedom of Masturbation Act; that is the single most humane proclamation this country has seen in a long time.
PASTOR CHRIS: Praise the Lord. I just felt that we are too hypocritical in this country. We like to pretend that we are holier than angels and by so doing, imprison the minds, nay bodies, of the people. It is the duty and responsibility of those of us who have been called, to free the minds and bodies of those who look up to us and liberate them from guilt, especially guilt from sins they haven’t committed. Praise the Lord.
CHRIS: Hallelujah sir. It is truly a liberating act. Just imagine the nationwide wankfest that followed your proclamation; all that pent-up anxiety and frustration released in one marathon masturbation exercise without the accompanying guilt and shame?! Drum-loads of semen would have been produced in the aftermath of your declaration! Ah, you deserve a national award for this sir.
PASTOR CHRIS: All thanks to God.
CHRIS: Yes sir. I was wondering though; can we continue this liberation exercise, just so we may, once and for all, settle the battles around issues of sex and faith?
PASTOR CHRIS: There are battles? How do you mean?
CHRIS: I mean that, beyond the freedom to masturbate without guilt, what other freedom can you grant those who have inhibitions and confusions where sex is concerned? For instance, is oral sex a sin?
PASTOR CHRIS: How can? Something that pleasurable? God forbid. My problem with it is the selfishness of most men where oral sex is concerned: they want it but don’t like to give it. I’ll say to women; if he isn’t giving it, he shouldn’t be getting it. That would be a sin. Praise the lord.
CHRIS: Hallelujah sir. What of sexual positions sir, which one would you recommend?
PASTOR CHRIS: Well, missionary position, for obvious reasons. We seem to have adopted doggy fairly well. I think women should be on top more often though, you know, straddling. I hear it encourages orgasm and more women need to have that. Too many women with too few orgasms; always a headache at counselling. I don’t encourage dangerous contortions like tying one leg to the ceiling and the other to the door knob; it should be intercourse, not gymnastics. Some positions can be fatal. And anything anal is surely sinful, as that crevice was made for another purpose. Praise the Lord.
CHRIS: Hallelujah. I agree with you on that. You haven’t said anything about 69 sir…
PASTOR CHRIS: Oh yes, 69! I will surely recommend that. The simultaneous nature of it exemplifies what living should be about; giving and taking, mutually beneficial endeavour. Praise the Lord.
CHRIS: Hallelujah! Is this a favourite of yours?
PASTOR CHRIS: Ah ah, I see you are getting excited!
CHRIS: I’m encouraged by your enthusiastic responses sir. It is very unusually to have a clergyman of your standing answer questions like these in such a frank and enthusiastic manner.
PASTOR CHRIS: We should do more sef. All this yeye posturing as if we no dey shit dey tire person.
CHRIS: What do you say to those who say the body is the temple of God and masturbation defiles it?
PASTOR CHRIS: I say wake up and smell the coffee! Do they take ice cream? Or Coca cola? Or Pizza? They defile the temple of God too, you know…bull!
CHRIS: Shit! You are the man! You almost want to make me reconsider going to church!
PASTOR CHRIS: You’ll be welcome with open arms, brother. The liberation of the soul and they acceptance of all, irrespective of their inconsequential frivolities should be the hallmark of religion, not ostracism. Puuraiseee tha Lorddd!!
CHRIS: Hallelujah somborri!!!!
__________________________
This interview is merely a figment of the writer’s imagination.
54 comments
dis is absolutely stupid
i dnt want to beleive dis
PASTOR INDEED,MAY GOD 4GV U
Like he said,its a figment of his imaginations. This interview never happened in real life but may GOD forgive those of us who make fun of his anointed ones
Are you guys blind or silly.. Cant you see the
”This interview is merely a figment of the writer’s imagination.”???
Dumb folks.
Hilarious!
Chris u are sick I thing Laughing in tongues. يج خ بو غخفو زخزخ سةح=D =))=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º=)) مق لاجززجو لسلاق لسلاق جل =))
This interview write-up is ungodly and miss-leading.Please don’t mess up the image of that Man of God(pastor Chris).
So hilarious. I love the creativity used in this. Take note readers”Pastor Chris”…Not that of loveworld.
This article could have been written better to show the hilarity, which is supposed to be the theme yeah?. Chris. The disclaimer could have come earlier, maybe Mr Ihindero could have found have a witty way inputing it much earlier in the article. That said, nobody should really take offence. The article is definitely not meant to be take seriously.
*taken
Dat “figment of imagination” of yours is just as annoying and idle as they come. Nonsense. Can’t believe I wasted time reading this
True true, Chris Ihidero nor well!
I have not written this warning to chris the interviewer alone,but to all who took intrest in blackmailling great men of God should deceast from it.As for chris or whatever he called himself,he should go and apologise to pastor chris whose image he has dented,before the wrath of God will come upon him and his generation,because the bible say ‘touch not my anoited and do my prophet no harm.
Wao! If pple do nt talk abt u, you are nt existing. Wit dis allegations, pastor chris kip getting stronger and bigger. Even dis post by pple kip advertising his ministry. I love pastor Chris Oyakhilome. Hes affected so many lifes, positively. Am one out of billions.
You are only incuring the wrath of God on yourself and your generation by blaspheming the name of God. If you are truely a christian you wount paste this filt may God forgive you
i pity u. When God will start visiting u hmmm
Y dont u imagine somfin more educative. dis is totally dumb and uncalled for.absolute rubbish.. and to dose of u thinkin it is actually pastor chris..y dont u read d full article*
It’s funny how a totally harmless and witty piece like this can expose how incredibly stupid people have become no thanks to ‘religion’. Now, they even ‘warn’ on behalf of God. Apparently their ‘god’ has no correctional department.
I bet you dont know the meaning of the words correctional department, which think peoples comment to this stupid imaginative writer has not done enuf justice.I can imagine what wuld hv happened if it were an islamic prophet that was insulted here. I guess bombs wuld hv been planted in evry christains home.”correctional department”
All I want 2 say 2 u Chris is dat God wil 4give u.
Some things are better not played with, be warned!
They say ” that who ever the gods want to destroy ,they first of all make them MAD,!” is true in this case! FOOLS WALK, Where angels fear to thread! The fact that u put that this is a figment of the authors imagination at the end of your abominable script , a place that all who read this thrash MAY NOT get to before they make their conclusion! It is clear that you are tired of living in peace and tranquilly and had decided for A life of woes! He that wanders out of the way of understanding let him abide in the congregation of the dead! I feel so sorry for u!
Dis is not from pastor christ,
Please you have to be careful about d things u say about men and the people of God.
May God have mercy us
Well. So far so good I don’t think there’s any need for people to start judging Chris before the judgement of God comes on. However, those of you who already nailed chris should be very careful,because same yard stick awaits you,but that not withstanding doesn’t mean Chris has done well, But I sincerely advise us to leave all in God’s court!
for cryin out loud peepsss, der is a big difference bw pst Chris n Pst.Chris Oyakilome so stop insinuatin rubbish cos as far as i’m concerned pst Chris Oyakilome’s image is intact……n 4 u chris, stop messin wit d word Pst……y am i talkin 2 u sef afterall d pst chris could be U::::……….
Bad! try sumtin else
It’s a pity dat d writer is among d ignorant folks who ddnt and will never understand wat Pst Chris meant by sayin masturbation wasnt a sin. I feel more pity for d writer of dis piece bcos his ignorant imagination could lead him 2 hell for insulting God’s servant and insulting God Almighty
I think ur a big fool.Simple… U must be applauding urself for this creative piece, u are a pitycase….
The writer of this piece is sick
May God have mercy on pastor chris, in Jesus name. Amen
Have u ever been sued for libel before? And u call urself a man of the press. Which journalism school u go sef? Apako!
If this is a figment of d writer’s imagination then am right if i say his mind’s dirty, perversed & confused. SMH #LMAO
This article is jxt creativity of one’s imagination based on wat d man had earlier said abt masturbation. So there’s no need 4 criticizing d writer
You jobless people should get busy with other things
rather than just castigate and make malicious comment about
a man of God remember we listen to Pastor chris and we know
his comments if you have been with the man of God you will
not have written such things about our man of God, he is not a local
Pastor just save yourself and family from destruction
and condemnation remember touch not my anointed and do my
prophet no harm.
All you ignorant folks had to do, was drag yourselves from your holes and comment … and even that you flunked badly with terrible grammar! You can’t even make it through a correct sentence, how can you even begin to defend God and ‘Pastor Christ’? (as one dumb sh*t called him.)
Gosh. Nigerians. You people need to take an effing chill pill. Take some ice water and sit down. You’re jumping up and down, threatening the writer on behalf of your God and pastor. Why don’t you leave him to his fate, if indeed he has done anything wrong? I’ve also watched the video where Pastor Chris said masturbation wasn’t a sin. Was it Chris Ihidero that put those words in his mouth? Because he is a man of God, doesn’t mean he is God. This is one of the problems I have with the pentecostal movement. Why do the pastors spend so much time and energy teaching their flock that anything said against them will bring down the wrath of God? Did Jesus spend that amount of time protecting himself? If the flock didn’t have their heads so far up their pastors asses, they would realize that this is a mind control mechanism used by even the cults. Do you think the bible spends that amount of time talking about “touch not my anointed?” How has Chris touched your anointed now? I’m a Christian too and I’m just sick of Christians who can’t think for themselves. The bible says “study to show yourself approved, a work man needing not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth”. Simple English, that means open your minds,read beyond your pastors books, people!
Ijeoma, I could give you a hug right now!!! I was reading the responses and wondering if i would see a ‘sane’ comment and came across yours 🙂 It is about mind control and its sad to see that with all the ‘churches’ around there is sooo much evil in our society. Churches are being run as businesses and people have to keep buying (or giving). We respect these MEN of God more than God himself!!!
I am a member of christ embassy and I have to say, this is funny. Life is to be enjoyed. I say even pastor chris would laugh at this. Creativ work chris.
this guy only look for cheap popularity, and he got one
by this piece. If after this comment, and no one attend to
him he will change his style.
First, I don’t see anyone’s last name being mentioned, second, let the man do his thing and if there is any judgement, let God pass it. For it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. thirdly and most importantly, ONLY God knows that truly serve or are serving Him; a great deal of “men of God” are actually going to end up in hell (this much was said by the Lord Jesus Christ). God bless
this was not done by pastor chris. by d way, which of d pastor chris? is it chris oyakhilomhe, chris okotie or chris delvan gwamma? whoever did this interview (chris) is just intending to tarnish someone’s image. pastor chris would never say those things. God will judge you.
why are some people so annoying,i can’t believe that i just waisted my time reading this figment of Imagination
ALL THESE NA.. WASHH!
For net 2 allow dis piece 2b published, den ure all a bunch of retarded empty fools…and 2dat dumbass correction dpt, u must be feelin lyk an englisian now o, ur mates r bombin and disruptin d peace of d nation,ure busy laffin wit a silly man who has indeed been accursed from birth. Y’all wil rot in hell fire!
I tire sha! Menh
This is an absolute nonsense and rubbish. Please stop it before †ђξ wrath of God descends on U̶̲̥̅̊ mr anti christ
@ Ijeoma u just hit d nail on d head…..so called xtains today do not know what it means to PRACTICE xtainity(if ey do definitly d world will b free of all d nonsense we c today,er will b peace…bc people who commits all d atrocity in d world today come from a religious house hold)….they do not av minds of their own,instead of making the bible their authority,they qoute their pastors for every little thing ey want to do in life(even to pee,so called Man of God will dictate to em)……just look @ em defending an inperfect human like em, whose heart ey cannot read…….by d way er is d posibility of finding an element of truth in d writers cooked story…it gives one an opportunity to think & use ones mind…….let’s not b blind like d pharisees who stuck to their traditions & believes until d messiah came stayed with them & left,yet they r still expecting d messiah -1pet 2:16(let’s make ourselves slaves of God & not men)
Hilarious…http://omoirefo.blogspot.com.au/
Let us not forget the fact that our so called men of God are humans. Whom do you worship? God or your Pastor? Nice write up chris.
Every other thing on this earth might prove deceptive including our men of God.But God can never decieve and when he says”do not take d name of thy God in vain”he meant it.No matter hw hilarious u want to be,no matter hw much u want to excell in journalism,u must be extremely careful when u make references to d word of God.He is not a joke nd ther4 cannot be joked with.History has proved that pple who did never ended well.
wow! chris, you have quite a following.
i counted 53 comments before i posted mine.
guys you won’t ven bother if you knew chris,
you won’t even bother. he’ll be having a filled day
reading your posts. its the result of too reading
too many books. bt like apostle paul, i’m confident
that chris can also come to the knowledge of the truth.
God bless you.
.