CON.venience: 5 reasons why you shouldn’t stay at Bolingo Hotel, Abuja

By Ozie Williams

Against my wishes and better judgement, I found myself staying for a couple of days at Bolingo Hotel, Abuja recently. I do not usually commit such atrocities, seeing that I value my health and sanity; this was purely circumstantial. I promise never to do it again.

If you are about to make the same mistake I made, here are 5 reasons you should think twice:

1. The reception looks shabby and the front desk staff are not the best you’ll ever encounter. But this isn’t a big deal, seeing that you’re in Nigeria. What is poor, even by Nigerian standards, is the state of the rooms. When I walked into mine, on the first floor, I practically had an asthma attack. The rug rose, in all its’ dusty glory, to welcome me with a Bolingo salute; it was a pointer to things to come. It was also well-worn and stained, as were the beddings and wall.

2. Good luck with using your bathroom and toilet. The shower curtain and toilet looked like they were installed in colonial times. Whoever manufactures the soap they put in the room needs to be less affectionate with soda. The toilet bowl had stains in it that had formed permanent lines, and the tissue paper might as well have been sandpaper.

3. There’s internet in the rooms, which is a good thing. What isn’t good is the trauma you go through to get it to work if the password or connection has any problem. It takes FOREVER for the IT guys to show up. Interesting that the higher your floor, the worse your internet connection. A friend stayed on the 7th floor and constantly had to come to the reception to use the internet.

4. If you need anything brought to your room, you are better off calling any responsible person you know, even if they’re a mile away, for the person will surely arrive with whatever you want long before the staff of Bolingo get to your room from the reception, kitchen, room service or whatever other place they are otherwise occupied and can’t be bothered by your inconsequential request. This may actually just be you asking for a towel, which should have been in your room in the first place!

5. It is universally agreed that you go to a buffet to stuff your face, if you want to. That is why you pay a standard fee which covers whatever you consume, big or small. That’s not the case at Bolingo. After you have paid almost N4000, you will be reliably informed by a waiter that you are allowed only a piece of chicken or fish or beef. The waiters stand like military guards at a parade, hawkishly guarding the food, ready to beat gluttonous customers over the head with metal spoons. This would have been merely irritating if the food was sumptuous; to make such a fuss over the most uninspiring buffet this side of the Sahara is deeply nauseating. I shall not bore you with details, but believe me when I say you’re better off taking a cab to Area A and eating ‘Mama Put’ under dusty canopies. The food there is tastier.

I hear Bolingo used to be a pretty nice hotel. Well, gone are those days. An inefficient, tacky empty shell is what it is now.