By Chris Ihidero
I’m writing this piece in what is basically an extended beer parlour. I do not want to be here at this moment. I did not plan to spend my afternoon in a beer parlour. I have been forced here by one of those circumstances that make me loathe my dear Lagos: traffic! I left the offices of this newspaper a little over an hour ago and was heading home to catch some rest. I spent almost an hour in traffic from Opebi to Alausa; a journey that usually takes less than 15 minutes. I need to get on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway to get home, and from what I can see ahead of me, that would be a truly foolish thing to do right now. So, like many Lagosians, I have stopped over at a beer parlour to kill time. I could have opted to stay in the traffic for a couple of hours, but that has become increasingly dangerous, with hoodlums attacking people in traffic with such confidence these days.
There are about 24 of us at this joint at the moment. It’s 4:17 pm. Everyone here is dressed as if he/she is coming from an office or some kind of work place. Some are eating, but most are drinking. I have counted 47 bottles of beer so far. I am convinced that a big chunk of the people here would rather be in their homes with their families. They, like me, are here at the moment because they are running from something; traffic, lack of electricity, noise from generators, etc.
Everywhere you turn to in Lagos, a beer parlour/drinking joint/bar/lounge is waiting for you. Irrespective of where you put it, you can’t run a beer parlour business in Lagos and not be profitable, except your enemies from the village are unrelenting in their quest to ‘do you.’ It isn’t for nothing that Nigeria is Guinness’ second home after Ireland and Nigerian Breweries Limited is one of the most profitable businesses in Nigeria!
There are many reasons to be thankful for places like beer parlours. Who knows how many fights have been avoided today by the people who have come to this joint, rather than stay in traffic and scream at other commuters? Who knows if the laptop I’m typing on or the phones next to me would have become the possessions of an armed robber who would have gently knocked on my car window and asked to become the new owner? And what if those pressures are not relieved before getting home? I am willing to bet that homes with beer parlour attendees handle life’s pressures better. No, I don’t have empirical data, but that’s my story and I’m sticking by it!
I suppose that one can’t wish traffic away in a city of 16 million people; it comes with the territory. And it isn’t for lack of trying on the part of the Governor of Lagos, Babatunde Raji Fashola. New roads have been built and old ones repaired, link bridges have been constructed, BRT buses have been introduced, yet Lagos traffic is no better than it was 5 years ago.
It is to places like this beer parlour that praises must go for keeping Lagos sane. Between vigils in churches/mosques and time spent in beer parlours, Lagos somehow finds its balance. It is, of course, difficult to determine where more people go on Friday evenings, and how many people go from beer parlours to vigils. My money is on beer parlours getting more customers on a Friday night.
Raise your beer glass, then, to the glory of beer parlours, those sanity ensuring places of glory where we lay our rage on sweating bottles of greatness. Long may you continue to alleviate the possibilities of road-rage induced anarchy across offices, homes and society at large.
What would our lives be like without splendid beer parlours?
3 comments
Hello Chris,
I am not a social commentator neither am I a crusader and I really do not have any criticism whatsoever to write about the little piece you did but rather, I would just say I quite enjoy most of your articles whenever I have the opportunity to read any of them. You are quite a very good writer I must say. For the records, I very much liked and appreciated the piece about the social/political commentator turned special assistant to Goodluck Jonathan (used to be on Patito’s gang). Sorry I don’t remember his name as he isn’t worth the effort at all.
Back to “Thank God for beer Parlours”; In as much as I understand your perspective on the issue and managed to laugh/smile and at the same time feel angry about the situation in our beloved Lagos. I feel that for a piece like this you should have included the consequence(s) of DRINK DRIVING as a deterrent for folks out there.
I know Nigerian government does not pay any attention to DRINK DRIVING as there might not be any money to embezzle or misappropriate in that sector but I have to say that it is a major factor that kill drivers of all ages around the world. The British government particularly frowns at this issue. Infact, a lot of people have been jailed, have their licenses revoked or points deducted to serve as a deterrent. This measure I feel has helped to reduce the rate of accidents caused by drink driving. If am driving I don’t drink and If I know I want to drink I don’t drive or I have my Mrs do the driving. That I know is what a lot of my folks do over here as everybody know that is ILLEGAL and criminal to do otherwise.
That said, can you please let me know what you think about this issue and if time permits do another piece on this VERY IMPORTANT TOPIC with regards to Nigerians and Lagosian in general. While Lagosian wipe away tears, anger, sorrow, frustration e.t.c, we must and should be conscious of the fact that it is BAD to drink while driving. Don’t know much about having this in Nigerian constitution like most other issues/information a citizen of that God forsaking country should know and have.
Question: Is it even in the so called constitution with regards to the new driving laws in Lagos. Hmmmmmmm.
Collins, I really love your comment and I think Chris should write another article to address that. But most importantly, Nigeria is not a “God forsaken Country” like you think. Thanks.
Raise your beer glass, then, to the glory of beer parlours,
those sanity ensuring places of glory where we lay our rage
on sweating bottles of greatness. Long may you continue to
alleviate the possibilities of road-rage induced anarchy
across offices, homes and society at large.
What would our lives be like without splendid beer
parlours?