By Chris Ihidero
This week I wanted to write something new about Boko Haram and discovered I had nothing new to say, so I dug up this piece that I wrote as a Facebook note in January 2011. It’s amazing how so little has changed about our reactions to bomb blasts; truly, the more things change….
Twice within eight days, bombs went flying in Jos and Abuja, and as with everything that has something to do with people in power in Nigeria, the bombings have given us interesting looks into the minds of the leaders of our great country, and we have learnt new, life-saving truths.
1. We have learnt that there are different types of criminals, thanks to Mr. President. Here’s what he had to say after the Abuja bomb blast: ‘To me, they are pure criminals that demons are using these days, not only in Nigeria but also in acts of terrorism across the world.’ Yes, that’s what your president said. Thank you Mr. President, we now know something of the purity of criminals and the demons behind their operation. This is earth-shattering! How could we not have suspected?! Of course this is why ALL our security agencies are incapable of preventing bomb blasts (or any crime); it certainly cannot be easy investigating pure criminals that are backed by demons! Thanks again Mr. President, goodluck with that crap!
2. We have learnt from the Minister of Defence, Adetokunbo Kayode, via his interview by the BBC at the site of the Abuja bomb blast, that evil people abound and Nigerians need to be more vigilant. I knew it! I knew there was something wrong with the vigilante skills of ordinary Nigerians! Little wonder we are never in a position to detect things like intelligence in the people who hold political offices in this country, people like Mr. Minister of Defence! A bomb goes off under your watch and your first reaction is to blame evil and citizens lack of vigilance? You are the Minister of Defence!!! Wow, what brilliance! Take a bow sir, you are a rare breed.
3. We have also learnt that it is entirely possible for a governor to know those who would set off three bombs in his state capital and do nothing about it until after the bombs have killed over 80 citizens of the state and maimed some 280 more. Yes, incredulous as it sounds, it is possible. The Governor is Mr. Jonah Jang of Plateau State. This is his conclusion after the bombs went off: the explosions were orchestrated by his political opponents who were determined to disrupt the PDP ward delegate elections. Yes, that’s what you just read; your eyes are not deceiving you! And he’s not the only one with fried eggs for brain cells in that state; listen to the Plateau state Commissioner of Police, Abdulrahaman Akano: ‘The investigators shall pay special attention to unravelling those involved in the bombing.’ There must be something in the air in Jos that people sniff and get high. What else were investigators supposed to do but unravel the people behind the bombings? And if they are paying special attention to this revelation, what are they paying ‘unspecial’ attention to? This foolery should be bottled, branded and sold globally. Surely the world is in grave need of this brand of idiocy, no?
4. We have learnt from the recent bomb blasts that a civil war will soon break out all over Nigeria. The two pillars that have upheld Nigeria and prevented it from descending into full anarchy for decades were affected during the recent blasts: beer parlours and religious centres. Rather than work hard at our problems in Nigeria, we drink heavily and pray harder; we practise escapism. With the Abuja bomb blast occurring at a place of drinking and merriment, and one of the Jos bombs going off at a joint and the other close to a church, the terror has come closer to home! If out of fear of getting blown to pieces we no longer patronise beer parlours, churches and mosques, then we are truly doomed and civil war is imminent. This threat to the things that have ensured that we get highly rated as the happiest people on earth is the biggest undoing of this bombers; we may just be forced to look at our problems, ask questions and demand answers from the band of listless popinjays masquerading as leaders.
5. Finally, we have learnt that young Nigerians bark loudly and bite meekly. We rave and rant in 140 characters on Twitter, Facebook and other social networking sites and five hours later, we have moved on to whatever the next fad is. It’s morning yet on revolution day! Oh, you can trust that we will scream and curse immediately a bomb goes off, as we did after Jos and Abuja, but that’s about all that will happen. Our spines are digital, we do not employ them in the real world. Deep down, we can’t be bothered; even the little twitter revolution you can see is part of the need to belong. #Okaythanksbye #Ontothenextone
What have you learnt recently about bomb blasts and the reactions of our leaders?
Apparently, the more things change, the more they remain the same.
1 comment