Big Daddy: No One Who Has Been Raped Ever Forgets

Over the past six months I have had to answer this question a thousand and one times: ‘Why are you, a man, making a film on rape?’  Somehow it seems inappropriate that a man, a member of the gender that perpetrates about 90% of rape crimes, should turn around and make a film about rape. Was I seeking some sort of warped restitution? Or, as one person put it, ‘Have you been raped before?’ My response has always been simple: we need to stop sweeping issues around rape and sexual violence under the carpet. We need to stop pretending that this isn’t a major issue, that lives are not being ruined daily here in Nigeria due to rape and other forms of sexual and gender violence.

I have written and spoken about rape before but nothing compares to the visual representation of the realities of rape through the film medium. Images are powerful and beyond the immediate impact they have on us, they equally have the power to resonate in our memories, stronger than words.

Pick a Nigerian newspaper on any day and I am sure you will run into a rape story before you are halfway through. Let’s be factual; rape is endemic in Nigeria.  The ABSU rape case even made it into the international media. The most painful part is that rape is often committed by a friend or family member of the victim, someone she may see and interact with for a long time afterwards. Yet, the family, law enforcement agencies and friends connive to cover up the dehumanisation because ‘the family should not be publicly disgraced.’ But the victim lives with the scars…no one who has been raped ever forgets.

Over the course of making this film I have made painful discoveries. Some of my very close friends have confided in me that they have been victims of rape in the past. These are people I have been friends with for a long time and I had no idea of the scars beneath their garments. When you make such discoveries, you see your friend in a different light; your perspective is changed forever. When, according to rape statistics, one in five Nigerian women have or will experience rape or sexual violence in one form or the other, the implications are alarming. Think of the effect on families, on our society, on the mental health condition of a huge chunk of the women who may go on to have their own children, think of our society’s abject lack of support structures, think of ostracization by those who know and would rather condemn the victim, think of religious organisations and law enforcement agents who busy themselves with how the victim was dressed and how children of nowadays lack morals and how forgiveness is important…I don’t know about you, but I see a tragedy of unimaginable consequences looming, if it hasn’t started already.

This is why we made Big Daddy. It is our little intervention in what we believe is a major issue that deserves our uttermost attention. We cannot go on pretending that we do not know that rape and other forms of sexual violence ruin lives. Of course we do not think that this short film will tell the whole story of rape, which is why we will be making a one hour documentary in 2012, where we will speak with everyone concerned. We only hope that this film will contribute to the birth of a healthy discourse and perhaps bring some sort of comfort to those whose lives have been marred by this most dehumanising act, if that is even remotely possible.

Rape does not end with the act; it mere begins with it. The scars go deeper than the bruises, cuts and swollen body parts that come with sexual violence. The pain does not dry up when the tears stop falling…rape brings about a life-long battle with shame, depression, loss of self-worth and dignity. The least we can do is hold hands with victims and show that we care. This is why we made a short film on rape.

Let’s be factual; rape is endemic in Nigeria. Rape does not end with the act; it mere begins with it.

*Big Daddy premieres at The Silverbird Galleria on Sunday December 4, 2011.

*Ihidero is a Lagos-based Writer and Filmmaker.