DAMIEN et al… [Another Perspective by Oluwole Leigh]

By Oluwole Leigh

I wrote the Story below about 4 years ago. I had quite a lot of trouble ending the story so I put it away. Readers are encouraged to write their own endings…

Cast: Dad (Dotun), Mum, Son (Damien), Grandma

Scene 1

Dotun walks into the living room and greets Dad with a hi-five

Damien: Good Morning, Dad

Dad hi-fives him back

Dad: Good morning, Damien

Later that morning, Damien refuses to have his breakfast. Mum kneels down beside him to talk to him.

Mum: Damien, Damien, Why don’t you want to eat?

Damien: Mum, I told you many times, I don’t like krispies. I want cocoa puffs.

Mum: But yesterday, you said you wanted Rice krispies and not Cocoa puffs

Damien: That was yesterday, I changed my mind. I want Cocoa-puffs. I want cocoa puffs, I want cocoa puffs, I want cocoa-puffs

Mum is exasperated and sends the driver to get cocoa puffs from the neighborhood store.

Scene 2

Grandma comes to visit the family at home and she calls out to Damien

Grandma: Dami, Dami, Bawoni, O ma ti tobi

Damien: Who are you calling Damy, My name is Damien. What is the meaning of Bawony?

Grandma: Ta lo n je Damiyen, iru oruko anjonu woniyen ?

Mum cuts in and speaks to Mama in Yoruba

Mum: Mo tin ma n so fun yin, omo mi o gbo Yoruba, mi o fe ki e ma soro si ni Yoruba ti e ba fe kin binu siyin

Damien: Mum, please tell her to stop calling me Damy. My name is Damien. Mum, what is the meaning of Bawony??

Mum: Damien, it’s the way village people greet themselves.

Damien: Oh Mum, the way village people talk is so cool. Bawony mum, Bawony mum

Grandma: Damiyen, ma binu o, Iya Damiyen, eyin na e ma binu o. Olorun a wo omo yin o. Emi pada losi oko wa

Scene 3

Damien comes back home from school and Mum welcomes him.

Damien: Hey Mum, Guess What?

Mum: What?

Damien: My teacher in school asked us to name our hometowns. My friends were saying all kinds of funny names. The names of the places were so not cool.  One said he was from somewhere that sounded like Lollipop

Mum: That’s Lalupon

Damien: Another guy said he was from Worry

Mum: That’s Warri, Anyway, Damien, where did you tell them you were from?

Damien: Mum, Of course I told them that we’re from Lekki

Scene 4

Damien comes back home from school with end of term result

Damien: Hey Mum, Guess What?

Mum: What?

Damien: I got my result today

Mum: That’s cool Damien, So what was your class position

Damien: Surprise mum, I was 27th in class. That’s 1 position better than last time

Dad walks in

Dad: You came 27th???????

Damien: Yes Dad, that’s so cool

Dad: Oluwa mi o, owo jona

Damien: Hey Dad, what’s the meaning of ‘Oluha me o’

Mum quickly rushes to Dad to calm him down.

Mum: Dotun, you see, we cannot afford to shout on him, we have to talk gently to him and most especially in a language he can understand. We cannot afford to disturb his psychological development.

Dad cuts in sharply

Dad: Dolapo, mo rogo, we sent a child to school and he came 27th out of a class of 30 and you said I should not affect his psychological development. I should be speaking phonetics to him.

Mum: Softly, Softly we need to speak to him softly. That’s what the psychologist said

Damien: Daddy , Mummy I want ice-cream

Scene 5

Damien returns from school

Damien: Hey Mum and Dad, Guess What?

Mum: What

Damien: I got a kiss today

Dad turns red

Mum: Oh that’s so cool, which one of them was it? Was it Jenny, Jessica, Chioma or Alice.

Damien: Mum, it was none of them

Mum: So who was it? Is there a new girl in your life that I don’t know about?

Dad listens as they talk

Damien: It wasn’t a girl

Dad: What?

Mum: Was it your teacher then?

Damien: No

Mum: Oh Damien, the suspense is killing me, Who was it?

Damien: It was a boy. I kissed a boy and I liked it

Dad: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Sango Olukoso oooooooooooooooo????

Mum: ……………………………………..

Dad………………………………………………..

Damien………………………………………………..