Chris Ihidero Unedited – What if God was One of us?

By Chris Ihidero

I’ve often wondered what would happen if God was actually one of us. I mean, haven’t you ever thought of it, what it would really be like if God were flesh and blood, bones and tissues, and has got issues? Really, how are we supposed to see God; as the white-bearded old man, dressed in a white robe, holding a whip and ready to strike sinners, or as the next guy? Perhaps as an understanding friend who knows how hard it is to be human? I don’t know about you, but voices in my head often demand to know what would happen in certain circumstances if God were actually one of us.

What if God lived in Lagos? Would God be able to function properly in His/Her capacity as God? If there was traffic and God was late for a meeting, would God curse? Should an area boy draw a gun or knife and ask for God’s mobile phone, what would God do? Draw His own gun and blast him to pieces, or offer him salvation? If LASTMA arrested God for breaking some non-existent traffic law, would God offer a bribe, knowing that it’s the easier way out, or try to prove a point by following them to their office where He is likely to be MANhandled? If God’s driver’s licence had expired (let’s assume angel Gabriel forgot to renew it) and a policeman stops Him on the road while driving, would He actually wait or would He run? If caught, (don’t underrate the Nigerian Police!) would he settle or would he rather spend time in jail for His sins?

What if God was in love and His spouse cheated on Him, let’s say with the devil, what would God do? Would He sit quietly in a corner and sulk, heartbroken and tearful, or would He swiftly construct a mountain of fire and swoop in on the enemy, destroying him up to his fourth generation? Would God understand? Would He forgive His spouse and let old things pass away? Would He trust her again?

What if God loved someone who didn’t love him back, or fell in love with someone who’s in a committed relationship? Would God do something funny, like whacking the person’s spouse so they can be together? What if they finally come together and God discovers that the person wasn’t exactly what He thought she was; would He accept his fate and live an unsatisfying life or would He seek an exit strategy and continue the quest to love and be loved by someone His heart beats for?

If the process of being God were democratic, would God win a re-election? What would God’s campaign look like? Would he sell the people a blinder, telling them He would do things He knows he cannot do? Would He import archangels from heaven to spread the word, or would He employ human agents to spread dough in Ghana-Must-Go? How far would He be willing to go to tempt the electorate? Would He actually invite sumptuous seraphs and endearing cherubs from the celestial plane and declare a free for all? With protection of course! By the way, if God were contesting the presidential elections in Naija would He win? Can God beat PDP at the national polls? What would God’s counter strategy be for every N500 note PDP puts inside a loaf of bread? I can guarantee God that multiplying a loaf of bread and five fishes is not a strategy that will work with Nigerian voters. They’re more practical than that!

I guess it must be really cool to live in heaven eternally and have a zillion angels at your beck and call 24hrs of the day. But if you were Nigerian and you lived in Lagos, surely that cannot be easy!

It is entirely possible, though, that God may be more like us than we know. Maybe he actually understands our frailties and lives our daily realities with us. Maybe he’s actually one of us…maybe we are the one who need to see the God in us.