Prose: Ménage A Uku – The Birthday Gift

By Morenike Nie Smith

The French call it ‘ménage a trios’. Every man’s dream is to have two women at his beck and call. If you do decide to indulge (when not paying), why do the ‘gal friends’ insist ‘no touching’?

Why do they think it is ok to be licked, sucked, and penetrated (with the dildo) by the other girl, while the man looks on, and then they (girlfriend) still get the real deal?

A friend of mine walked up to me as soon as he saw me and said ‘I DID IT’. Boys always have a way of telling. I looked him in the eyes and wondered if he had been a virgin all this while? I had something else coming! He obviously had a blast, but still had reservations.

After a lot of coercing, he told me he had a wonderful birthday gift from his girlfriend. I looked around him for any material changes and there was none. The only thing was a satisfying look on his face. I almost asked him to suck on a lemon!

Before I go into details of his ‘sexcapade’, it is curious why when offered; there must be rules to the game. When not offered, one would ask, does it place you in the position of a conqueror? Is it a case of ‘mbili mbili, kawa kawida’? (This found its place in my head from Kenya when a man ordered two beers at a time!) Like I always say, as a straight beans and potato woman, sexual experiments are best when taken in small doses!

What’s on a woman’s mind when she decides to give, or when he demands that they both venture into this game? It is true that ménage a trios has existed since the Roman Empire. Orgies were used as a means of communication with the gods. In the Greek mythology, Achilles was known to have enjoyed this gift as well. A little bird tells me that my next-door neighbour is not left out. I really do not know any man that would turn a ‘Greek gift’ down!

Karl (not his real name) could be described as a woman’s man. He would get most women he wanted. He had a bad habit, porn. It was so bad he would sneak to watch because his girlfriend did not approve. All he ever watched was female porn. His fantasy was to be with the women in the movies. He silently nursed this desire until the day she caught him. Strangely enough, she watched him masturbate his way through! Phew! Some sight (indeed) she must have had. She did not reprove him, but he knew the look in her eyes.

As his birthday approached, she kept asking cunning questions about his fantasies, desires and what he would like for a present. He just wriggled his way out of trick questions and said she was good enough for him. To his utmost dismay, comfort I meant, she came home on his birthday and told him his gift was outside.

He walked out thinking a car perhaps. Had she won a lottery?  And in his own words ‘I was as hard as a rock’. He looked around and ushered the ‘present’ in. She was dressed in a mink coat. Then it dropped, and beneath the glam, was a birthday suit!

She looked at him and asked him to watch. They began to touch each other, taking their time and ‘torturing’ Karl. So he said. He wanted to grab, bite, suck but she insisted he could not touch his ‘present’.

Mind my asking whose present was it anyways? His or Hers? Not that I think it was a problem for him, but he must have wanted to feel his ‘gift’. After all, when Jada Pinkett knew that Jennifer Lopez’s body was her husband’s problem, she gave him a JLo birthday cake! He ate it I presume. She knew it was his. Why bother if you can’t take it? Never known to give yet not give. Besides, is it not better to give than receive?

There have been many cases of wanting to fulfil desires but when you do have the craving for a certain sexual adventure, the best way to achieve satisfaction is to go all the way. After all they say ‘it is easy to be a mad man, but can you trek?’

Pornography can be looked upon as harmless, but in the real sense of the matter it is addictive and can make you desire more than you bargain for. It is okay to be extra ordinary but when the circumstances of being a sexual deviant comes up, you must be able to take it.

My point of view being his girlfriend must have had such thoughts so hiding behind the fact that he was a porn addict was an excuse to carry out her own fantasies. (Tell me if you think otherwise)

Question – Did she want to be in control? Was she being vengeful? What exactly did she have on her mind when she had sex with both her boyfriend’s present and himself? Was it Greed?

It is okay to have fantasies, where the problem lies is when you need to pretend that you want to satisfy your partners need. Listen right, in a relationship, be it love, understanding or lust, talking helps. Being yourself is the best gift you can offer. Express yourself but not at the expense of your partner.

On the other hand, Taigar and Cathii were in love and could not leave each other’s side. They had taken a long sojourn into the new horizons of sex. They both wanted an FFM, (see topic in discourse) and decided they would get a partner (female) who would satisfy the last of the fantasies. As much as they both wanted it, the terrain was all wrong. Taigar finally thinks he has found ‘her’ and tells his girlfriend who else but her friend? Now is this the other side of greed? Was he using the idea so he could have both? I am not saying it’s not possible but why her? Why not a stranger? Should Taigar and Karl’s girlfriend get together?

Karl must have had fun, but obviously his girlfriend had the ‘birthday gift’.

See you around