I couldn’t feel my legs and I could hardly breathe. Everywhere was hot but I could still feel a mist. I was awake, at least I felt awake but something kept telling me I was dreaming. Not sleeping, but dreaming.
I couldn’t remember anything at all but then all at once… All at once, a flood of memories took over my consciousness, it was overwhelming. Whenever I tried to hold on to one, another one came out of nowhere and replaced it. It gave me a headache and then I started screaming. I heard my voice for what felt like the first time ever. I didn’t like the way it sounded. That was probably because I was screaming anyway.
A breakthrough!
A memory stuck.
It was my first day in university. I remember being angry that day. Everything upset me. The hot weather, the ugly school gate, the annoying school officials, my parents. Ugh, my parents!
I couldn’t believe how well they had tricked me or even the fact that they had even tricked me. We were supposed to be in Nigeria for vacation and I guess I should have found that suspicious since dad had just been laid off. What an odd time to be taking a vacation, don’t you think?
Ugh. I was so gullible, so dumb!
All my NYU plans with Jericho and Maj. My dreams. All of it gone! I couldn’t understand anyone and no one could understand me.
“T, they said your faculty is just across the street. Let’s go na”
I grunted.
“T”, she sighed. “This your attitude needs to stop!” She was working herself up. She was about to be mad, really mad. “Do you think any of us want to be here? I told you it’s temporary and you’re still frowning everywhere! Ibaje Oshi. Join your father and I and in the car!” She hissed and stormed off.
Better believe that wasn’t the end. The sequel will continue in the car surely. As I stood up to go and get a vocal beating in our car, I felt a tap and heard a soft voice behind me.
“Excuse me, sorry to bother you. But please I’m looking for Mr Agbani’s office, please do you know where that is?”
I turned back. I could no longer remember why I was angry.
The memory stopped. And suddenly, it was replaced with another.
It was raining. I was soaked but I was shouting. There was a girl. There’s always a girl. She was soaked too and she was also shouting.
“This was not the agreement!”
“There was never an agreement! You are one delusional fool, Ty!”
“Delusional am I?”, I said as I pulled out something from the pocket of my jacket.
“Hahaha! Do you want to shoot me? Tyrone Patrick Williams wants to shoot me! I wish you would! I wish you’d pull that trigger, Ty! If only you had the balls! ”
“You think I can’t kill you yeah? You think I’m so in love with you that I can’t kill you, is that right?!”
“I know you can’t Ty! You have no balls, Ty! You’re a little bitch and you’ll never be half the man that….”
She stopped talking.
She looked into my eyes.
Then she looked at my hands.
I looked at my hands.
I had pulled the trigger.
“Brenda! No! No! I didn’t mean to! Stay with me! Brenda!”
Everywhere was wet and the blood was gushing out so quickly. I felt like I was frozen. I couldn’t feel my legs and I could hardly breathe. Everywhere was hot but I could still feel a mist. I was awake, at least I felt awake but something kept telling me I was dreaming. Not sleeping, but dreaming.
But I wasn’t dreaming.