Finally saw xXx: The Return of Xander Cage the other day and simply concluded Hollywood are just having a laugh at all of us while laughing to the bank at the same time.
Not sure what I was expecting (which roughly translates to nothing), but the opening 10 or so minutes felt like a script written for the opening of a porn movie before sex goes down.
It was God awful bollocks! Another case of a trailer raising your expectations for nothing.
For a story that’s supposed to be the return of the ‘legendary’ Xander Cage (Vin Diesel), killing Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) and the fella he was trying to recruit to the xXx programme – Neymar – didn’t arouse the shock that was presumably expected.
And from then on, every scene was as predictable as Arsenal’s form crumbling between February and April every year.
Which is partly why many aren’t looking forward to Ben Affleck play the role of Batman (too soon) after Christian Bale‘s portrayal of the caped crusader.
Also why I lost interest in the Spider-Man movie franchise after the second of Andrew Garfield‘s portrayal of Peter Parker.
Maybe because I grew up watching the cartoons, followed by Tobey Maguire playing the role … it just becomes exhaustive recycling these old movies.
Which is what’s happened now with King Kong in Kong: Skull Island (admittedly enjoyable, that one) and why we’re still going to have a couple more Transformers come along.
Word is, a reboot of The Matrix is in the works and I’m just tired at this point. Next thing, someone will still find another angle to take the Lord of the Rings story from.
But God forbid the day a reboot of, say, The Godfather trilogy comes to someone’s mind. Thunder will fire that person.
Wait … okay, forget thunder firing anybody. Just let a reboot of that not happen, ever!