By Ayeni Adekunle
It was all Segun Demuren’s fault. Segun, and his brother Tunde Demuren.
Those who know me know TV is not my thing. I barely find enough time to watch the news and catch up with what’s happening on MTV and co. To now sit down and watch movies? Or a series for that matter?
But the Demurens insisted I had to watch BOSS – the political drama TV series.
‘I think you really need to watch this’ Segun said as we stood in his office some two weeks ago. ‘You need to see the politics, the power play…’
‘I know BOSS’; that’s the series that features Rotimi, the EME artiste?’ I say, trying to understand why these gentlemen so badly wanted to punish me.
‘It’s not even because of Rotimi actually’ Segun interjects, as Tunde nods in agreement.
‘Trust me egbon, you need to see this’.
So I’m thinking – this sweet talking Segun Demuren. Now I have to say yes. But where am I going to find the time to watch this? Don’t they usually last for years? How am I going to find the time to watch 10- 20 DVDs?
As I drive out of the office, I promise myself I’m going to spend at least one hour after work every day watching BOSS. There must be something the Demurens want me to see. I also have something to prove to some of my cynical friends who could swear that I, Ayeni can and will never do more than 5-10 minutes in front of any TV.
From the minute I got to my office, everyone around me that had ears knew I had the first season of BOSS. And no one could stop me from watching.
Now let’s flash back, Nollywood style.
A few days before my encounter with the Demurens, I had visited my doctor, following serious pains in my left chest. Even though I had an appendix removed and have managed peptic ulcer for eight years, I rarely fall ill. Because this pain would just not go, I visit the doctor, who, after the routine checks, refers me to the lab, to run some tests.
It so happens that I got the BOSS gift the day I ran the tests. The results are not out until the next day. I get home that night, slot in the DVD and this is what happens: The story opens with the Mayor of Chicago sitting in an isolated space in front of his doctor who explains a diagnosis to him. He has dementia, cannot be cured, will continue to get worse, he will lose his memory, his senses, etc. The man (played by Kelsey Grammer) looks on coldly as his doctor (played by Karen Aldridge) reads him his death sentence. As he finally shuts her up and walks her to her car, it occurs to me that I too, am expecting the results of my tests in a few hours. In a matter of hours, I’m going to be sitting in front of a doctor, who will interpret those results.
I’m thinking to myself; You’re watching the wrong movie, man!
But how can Segun do this to me?
Could it be just a coincidence that these guys practically forced this DVD on me, totally unaware I was going through some medical challenges?
I found the remote control and hit the red button, sweating.
I didn’t find the courage to go pick up the test results for at least one week. Something always came up anytime I planned to, until last Tuesday. I had planned to leave the office early, pick up the test results, attend 2face Idibia’s surprise birthday party, and retire for the day. ‘I’ll try and go to the hospital with the test results before weekend’ I told myself.
Joker.
Although I didn’t understand what was written on the first page, what I saw on page 2 shocked me so much I drove straight to my hospital.
‘… very high risk subjects are…. Established atherosclerotic disease; type 2 DM, type 1 DM with micro albuminuria and protenuria; genetic dyslipidaemia; and chronic kidney disease…’
Forget all that talk about courage and bravery. When death looks you in the eyes and says ‘follow me’, even the strongest of men will tremble and panic.
And tremble does not even begin to describe how I felt. Panic does not. The more I tried to stay calm as I drove from Ikeja to Surulere, the more I felt like screaming and tearing my clothes. The more I felt like speeding so I could get there on time and find out what exactly to believe, the more I wanted to drive slowly, so I could postpone the confirmation of the document in my bag.
I thought about my wife and children; about my friends and siblings. I thought about all the ideas waiting to be executed; about my unwritten books and uncompleted projects. I thought about God and my many many sins. What didn’t I think about?
My entire life played back in my head as I drove in fear and uncertainty. I was convinced I was about to start another chapter, filled with medication and diets and surgeries and all the frustrations that come with them, until I met this young miracle-working doctor.
‘Do you still feel the pain?’.
‘Yes. Still comes often, even right now’.
‘Okay. But you’re okay. Your BP is perfect, and the LIPOGRAM results are perfect…’
‘Wait, you mean the test results are okay? But it was written at the back that I had high risk of chronic kidney disease and other things?’.
‘No. What’s at the back is a list of the likely risks if your results were higher than the reference parameters. Since you’re within range in all, you’re perfectly okay. The first page is what contains your result actually….’.
I felt like grabbing the young doctor and planting a kiss on his lips!
‘So you mean I’m okay? The result is good?’
‘Yes, perfectly… You’ll just need to do an ECG, so we’re 100 percent sure…’.
‘Thank you doctor. God bless you. What’s your name?’.
‘Doctor Okeke.’
I not only partied with 2face and the rest of the gang that night, I have since resumed watching BOSS. Notin’ dey happen!
7 comments
Ayeni no die o! you must write that book first.
s man…lol
lol! My boss will live long so tey…
Lol!
Long live Ayeni the Great!May u continue to walk and never tumble.May u continue to work and never fumble nor crumble!
I had fallen in love with your write ups since your days at encomium.nice piece.
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